There are many things about our adoption experience that I
have not shared yet. Many things that,
for children that come from hard places are difficult to share about their past. There is trauma that runs deeper
than I can image for my girls and sometimes that trauma comes across in their
behavior towards me. I know it is not
personal, I know they are not really mad at me, but instead because
of what has happened to them in their short lives.
It has been four months since we met our girls. Some days it seems like it was yesterday and
then on other days it seems like forever ago.
We continue to take one step forward and a few steps back in working
towards healing….each and everyday. We
have had days where it is just too much and I don’t think I will make it
another minute and then there are days where we almost feel “normal” and forget
that we are parenting three children with unimaginable pasts. Today is the later, but dare I say it because
the day is not over. I confidently (or
crazily) took all four kids to a movie and no one had a meltdown when we had to
sit on the floor because there was no row to fit our more than average family
size. Today, others would look at our family and think that adoption was easy,
that we were normal, or that we were just like any other family (gasp)!
But we are so not and I love that more than I could ever
explain. I pray we never will be, normal
that is! Because normal will never wreck
me, turn me inside out, or teach me to be so reliant on God.
Everyday I pray for healing for our girls and our
family. I pray that my relationships with my children will be reflective of God’s love for me and most days it doesn't
come even close to where I want that to be.
But every once in a while we have days like today when I hear sweet
words that give me a glimpse into our future. A future for our family where
there are more days that make adoption look easy.
I have been bruised physically by one of my children that
comes from the hardest places in life.
She has been betrayed and the only way she knows how to react is by
fighting for her survival. Yesterday she
spontaneously hugged me and said kind things to me that gave me a window into
her heart right now. Today she came to
me in complete remorse about a way she had physically hurt me months ago. Her apology and affection was genuine and it
was in that moment that God healed months of damage that had strained our
relationship.
“For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and
transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption,
the forgiveness of sins.” Colossians 1:13-14
As God’s children we each have our own redemption
story. Watching my kids learn, grow, and
thrive is part of the story he has written for them. I am so
blessed that God lets me be a part of it all.
