Zapping the Entitlement Factor in our Kids

It hit me hard and I mean right between the eyes hard. Raising children in a culture that teaches them entitlement is perhaps one of the hardest issues I will face as a parent. I have tried to combat it over the years, but this morning I was faced with my nine year old clearly showing me that I have failed against our culture. In an attempt to teach our children the value of a dollar and the feeling of a job well done, last year we began giving allowance to our boys. We went back and forth about this, read lots of opinions on the matter, but in the end thought that it would be a valuable lesson to our children. And, it worked great through-out the school year when we had structure and order, but it fell apart this summer when life became a little more flexible and laid back. Our children are given age appropriate chores that have to be done by a certain time each day. Some chores are assigned as “non-payment” chores and are done out of being a part of a family unit. Other chores are done to earn your allowance. In turn, we do not buy our children things they “want” through-out the year. If they want something, they have to save or spend their allowance (depending on the child) as well as tithe to church. We felt this was similar to how we budget as a family and this agreement was working well, until our oldest decided to be entitled in his work ethic. One particular Sunday, after about three weeks of laziness, he asked for his allowance. I asked him if he felt he deserved his full payment and like most boys his age he became a tad combative. In my low tolerance for this type of behavior, I stood my ground and a “healthy” conversation of raised voices came into play. His tone, his attitude, and his argument for why he should be paid, even though he only did chores sporadically over the past month, did nothing for his cause. But what really got me thinking about my scorecard against our culture was this statement. “I will start doing my chores again, when you pay me for one week of allowance.” In his case, he wanted $4 as a sign on bonus for me to hire him back (to do a job he was not doing to begin with). When we explained to him the parameters around his proposal, he just shrugged and said, “That is my offer.” He did not get paid and I ended up cleaning the bathroom, so it left me wondering who won the battle. It also left me thinking about my next strategy in this cultural war. I do not want to raise entitled children! And no matter how many times we travel to an underdeveloped country, bring them along while we minister to the homeless in our community, or bring children into our home that do not have the basics needs in life, we are losing this war. I am left wondering how it has become this bad and how do I turn it around to raise the next generation to understand that we were not born into this life to expect anything and that we are called to work hard and give God all the glory for any gift we are blessed with. My prayer is simple, God help me!