So here we are, mid August and I feel the need to shout from
the rooftops, I SURVIVED, sanity in tact (maybe questionable to some), I
SURVIVED! When that big yellow bus pulled away from the curb taking our two
middles off to school, I did my happy dance and loaded kid #4 in the car for a
day long errand running adventure. Why
not right, only one kid in tow seemed like a day at the spa!
This summer has been the fastest moving three months of my
life, thank God! Helping the girls
adjust to a new life and family, working with the boys to understand patience
and compassion, and finding time to connect with my husband has been, on all
accounts, exhausting. But, as with all things that are worth fighting for, I am
finally beginning to see snippets of payoff.
For the last three months I have been focused on getting our
kindergartener ready for school. Not
just school, but school in America .
Tutors, summer camps, play dates, and correcting behaviors has consumed
me. As I watched her walk into school on
her first day with tears in her eyes, her tough façade faded and I knew she was
scared. She would never admit it and I
am still learning my daughter’s personality, but as a mom I knew the days
before her were going to be difficult.
So, it was much to my surprise (or maybe not, if you know her strong
willed nature) that her teacher reported she is a very sweet, calm, and hard
working girl at school.
As I reflected on the teacher words, a pang of jealousy
stirred inside me. Why won’t she show
that side to me, I wondered? I wallowed
in that thought for a bit and then realized that maybe the teachers report was part of the payoff I have been
working towards all summer long. When I
muster up the strength to look back to where we were six months ago, sitting in
a rented condo in Nicaragua trying to teach the girls basic tasks like using a
bathroom and washing hands, I sit in awe of how much they have learned in such
a short amount of time. It is amazing
that after being home for just three months, my daughter was secure enough to
get on a school bus with her brother and go off to school. So, while I have felt like a failure most
days this summer and prayed that a bond would begin to form with my daughter, I
am choosing to believe it has. It looks nothing like I want it to be, not even
close! Yet, when I think about the
little girl that we met last winter, I cannot deny that she is a different
kid. Every once in a while she allows
herself vulnerability to let us in, her trust is beginning to build, and when
she watches our family dynamic from a distance, she has a smile on her
face.
There have been days when I doubted, when I begged, and when
I cried out for mercy to my Heavenly Father.
For her, for me, for our family! Surviving the summer packed with
adjustment, yup that can only be is His mercy! I know God hears my cries, I
know He will not forsake me, and I know He is working behind the scenes to make
all this chaos into a beautiful story.
But, I need to be honest when I say, I wish I could jump a few chapters
ahead…just a few, so I can see where we’ll be in six more months.
