This year we have been stretched in our parenting roles, more importantly how to parent a young boy that was adopted. Many people may wonder how this is different than parenting a biological child. Here are just a few examples: D will never ask why he looks different than us. C has asked this countless times this past year. He continues on a path of discovery of who he is and where he came from. D has security in knowing that we loved him for nine months before we met him and he can show you the hospital where he was born. C questions why we got on a plane when he was 10 months old to go to Guatemala to bring him home, he asked me recently, “Do you still want me.” He questions why his birth mom is different than the mom I am to him now. D will say “I don’t like your rules; I wish our family was normal.” To the same rule being enforced C will say “You don’t want me and stomp away.” D’s personality warrants loss of privilege and time-outs for discipline, C needs incentives and time-ins with us in order to enforce a behavior change. For D, I read lots of parenting books and can take a black and white approach to parenting. For C, we meet with specialists and reading book after book on attachment, behavior, diet, and medical needs has become a full time job. There are times when I feel as broken inside as he does. My heart breaks because I want him to feel adjusted, secure, and loved. And while some days are exhausting, I would not change a minute of it. In praying about meeting the needs of another adopted child, there are days when I wondered if I have enough in me. In those moments I am reminded that I do not have to do it alone. On the hard days, I cling to Isaiah 40:31 “but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
In one of our many conversations about plans to adopt again, Shelby asked me a question that became the turning point in our discussions. “Based on all that we have been through this year, would you regret not bringing another child into our family through adoption?” With tears in my eyes, my answer was this “I look at our sleeping children upstairs; I know they are loved and I know I would do anything in my power to make life okay for them. What if there is another child that God wants us to love and make life okay for them? I am not a perfect parent, I never will be, but I cannot imagine what my life would be like had I said no to what God was calling us to 6 years ago. I look at our boys and I know I would regret it. And my almost perfect husband said this, “then there is our answer!”
