I have thought about this post for almost a year now and I
have tried to write it for the past few weeks, but something always gets in the
way of letting the words bypass the emotions in order to put it to paper.
Perhaps because for the past eight months I have wondered what this update
would look like and have recently found myself hoping it would be
different.
I have had people repeatedly comment on how well the girls
are adjusting, how well our family is taking these transitions in stride, and
that what we have done is amazing. Maybe
that is why giving an update contrary to these perceptions would be tainting
others view of adoption or our family.
But, here it is anyway…with a courageous heart and the words that have finally
overcome the emotions, I give you a glimpse into our life right now.
Daily I look into two beautiful faces where the trauma from
their past lurks behind their hearts and audacious smiles. I do this everyday and it is the hardest
thing I have been called to do as a parent.
Their stories are precious to me and a part of why this post is so
difficult to write. I wish I could share
more about this past year and all they have overcome, but to do so I would have
to share about their lives before God rescued them from despair and placed them into
our family. Honestly, I can’t do that
anymore. I can’t be reminded of those
first days and months because I want to close that chapter and move onto a
different plot. I want that for our
girls more than anything else right now. I want them to be able to move past
years of hurt. I want them to feel safe and trust that this is forever. But,
they lived years without us and it will take years to build that trust and what
forever looks like.
In spite of all they have had to overcome this year, they
are adjusting well. And yes, our family
is taking it all in stride, most days.
Every once in a while the boys will find me hiding in my room to catch a
sanity break, bag of chocolate in hand! From
the outside looking in, I am sure we look different than what we experience
each day. The roller coaster of emotions
in this house is fast and furious most days and I pray that the season is not
the new normal I had hoped for eight months ago. We are just an ordinary family
living in chaos right now; certainly nothing we have done or are doing is
amazing. I understand the sentiment
behind that statement and while I appreciate it, all the Glory goes to God for
knitting our family together and placing people into our lives that love us and
LOVE US WELL! Thank you to those that
have encouraged and prayed for us. This doesn't feel amazing, so we do
appreciate that others may think it looks that way. We believe that this season
is all part of the incredible redemption story God is writing for their lives
and ours.
It was on this day one year ago that we sat in an orphanage
in a foreign land and met our daughters for the first time. There are three
things I vividly remember from that day.
The first was the joy lighting up one precious little girl's face when
she peered around the corner to get a glimpse of her new mommy and daddy. The other was the fierce look on her sister’s
face that silently screamed of the fear inside her heart. The third was how
much love poured out of my two young sons and the excitement they showed in the
moment they met their sisters.
Today is a new day, a new year, and hopefully a new season
is upon us. A season filled with more
healing, more grace, more compassion, and more love...for all of us.
