I never wanted to write about of all the reasons why what I am doing here is so hard. I think it's fair to say that this isn't a full list or the kind of post you might think.
I am writing this in hopes that what I have to share will encourage
others on an adoption journey, specifically one where you may have to live
abroad for a few months.
I have been in Nicaragua
for 8 weeks and my greatest lesson learned thus far has everything to do with
my greatest fear, which is that I will not be enough for my family.
I pray others don’t have this fear, but sadly I know I am
not alone. This is something that has plagued many parents since the beginning
of time.
As we grow our families we wonder…Will I have Enough time,
Enough love, Enough food, Enough money, or Enough patience for everyone in
my family?
Maybe you have yet to travel or you just arrived to foster
your children in a foreign country. Maybe you have already returned home.
Maybe you have prayed for years for the child you are caring for and now you
are wondering why God brought you to where you are at. It doesn't matter where you are at in the journey or how you got there; we are unified in the reality
that what we are doing is hard.
It is hard because sometimes we have to leave family at
home.
It is hard because sometimes the children we are adopting don’t understand us.
It is hard because sometimes we don’t understand them.
It is hard because sometimes we don’t know when we will
return home.
It is hard because sometimes after we return home, we
realize it was easier where we were at.
It is hard because sometimes we are given little information
about our children and their past situations.
It is hard because sometimes we can’t find a window into their hearts.
It is hard because sometimes we can’t find a window into their hearts.
It is hard because we expect more of ourselves than we can
possibly give.
I will never be enough for my family. Not because what I am here doing is hard, but
because God doesn't want me to do it alone.
I am learning that it’s okay that I am not enough for my
family right now and I realize that there will be many days when I return home
that I will not be enough! I easily forget that when my personal resources of time,
love, food, money, and patience run out, God is there to do the rest.
He wants us to ask him for guidance, forgiveness, and
love. He wants us to look at the
examples he has already given us and use those to offer those same things back
to our children. And at the end of the
day, when we go to bed tired and overwhelmed, feeling as thou we were not
enough, He wants us to know that we don’t have to be. We don’t have to be enough because everyday
we are given the gifts of grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love. With all those things, He is enough!
